I've been thinking about what I would say to you all today. I've come up with a lot of titles, but I think this one fits best. Its kinda how I've felt yesterday and today.
The first emergency that I've ever dealt with in my life was with Jacob when we were little. As you may/may not know, his lip ripped off partially when we were very small & it was a bloody mess. He still has a scar. Anyhow- I still have pieces of that day/night in my memory. I can tell you what I was doing before the accident, and some of the details during. I remember really being disappointed that Mom wouldn't let me go to the hospital. Jacob and I spent our lives side-by-side and it felt a bit treasonous to not be with him when he was going through something traumatic. Or maybe I just wanted to see what a hospital was like- who knows. Mom said that during the drama, I was completely calm. I got towels and brought them to her, and that despite the blood and mess- I remained. The part of the story that is a little fuzzy and that I can only piece together from recounts of the story is when I saw Jacob with stitches. He looked scary to me. And I told him.
Yesterday was a crazy day at the Blackhurst house...which should read: A normal day at the Blackhurst house. The girls were busy finishing chores, practicing piano, doing home work, and snack. I made popcorn. It was a nice day out and Lucy wanted to go outside. At one time Sydnee shut the door on Lucy's big fingers- but it wasn't bad- it just hurt a bit and they went on their way. No ice, just an "OUCH" moment. I think that was God throwing the pebble before He threw the brick. Not long after, though, Ava and Lucy were going outside and Ava shut the back door. Slamming it, really, because it is hard to close. And {cringe}Lucy was holding on to the close- where the hinges are located. I think she was fast enough to get everything but the tip of her pinky finger out of the way. I'll skip the details here and tell you that I knew she needed medical help that I could not give her. I tended to her as best as I could, then 0loaded everyone immediately into the van. Grabbed the diaper bag and we headed to the pediatrician's. I had Ava call Todd, but she was so upset he couldn't understand her- so she handed the phone to me as we were backing out. I told him to call our doctor and tell them we were coming. He called back and said they can't see her, they were closing.
This is where the first story comes in. Ingrained in my brain, and I've said it out loud many times- I am good in an emergency. I am clear headed. I don't faint, I can run. I can take care of the wounded. Its inside me. I can do this. Yesterday was a little different, though. My plan of attack hadn't worked and I wasn't sure what to do then. I sent an SOS to my nurse friends- was I over-reacting? Todd and I decided to meet in the parking lot of the urgent care place. Luckily he arrived soon after I pulled up. Let me interject that my van is full of a bunch of calm little girls. Lucy is hurting, but not crying. She is collected. She knows this is an emergency, and somewhere written in her genetic make-up, she knows to stay calm, and she is. Todd looks at the finger and determines we need to go in. He wants it to be x-rayed. The voice of reason. Blessed, blessed man. Oh how grateful I am for him.
We went in with our game faces on. Todd filled out the paperwork. Ava and Sydnee cared for Camille. I held on to Lucy, her ice pack, and blood-stained towel. The staff was extremely kind and professional, and I am grateful. REALLY grateful. I was experiencing so many emotions but forcing them down so I could be focused on Lucy. They did x-rays and determined the tip was broken and that {warning: squeamish look away!}finger nail would have to come off. That's all I'm going to tell you because the rest is playing in my head like a broken record and I'll spare you the nightmares. If you really want to know the gory part- then text me. I took Lucy for the x-rays but Todd would need to do the rest. We learned when Ava got stitches and when Lucy was admitted into the hospital as a baby that I cannot handle seeing my girls in pain. So we switched. Have I mentioned Sydnee is my new favorite for not doing this to me? (Knocking on wood.)
In the waiting room Ava and Sydnee were angels. Just sitting there. Saying their silent prayers and watching the Disney channel. I held Camille and we walked around. Pacing the floors. I heard Lucy crying in the background, but only for a little bit. Todd said that she was incredibly brave and that she tried really hard not to cry. After what seemed like forever- they come walking in. Todd said that the cast is a bit of an over-kill but that the doctors know what a 3-year old is like and wanted to take precaution. Lucy calls her cast a "pillow" for her broken finger. Once we were all united, Lucy said she wanted to go to "Uncle Donald's" (McDonalds...somehow she has linked Scrooge Duck, uncle of the triplet cartoon ducks Hughie, Dewey, and Lewy to McDonalds. PS Todd and I loathe McDonalds. Insert sacrificing parent moment for the children whom have been through a lot). I like Todd take the big girls and I came home to put Camille to bed...and to have my cry.
This is what I learned:
The first emergency that I've ever dealt with in my life was with Jacob when we were little. As you may/may not know, his lip ripped off partially when we were very small & it was a bloody mess. He still has a scar. Anyhow- I still have pieces of that day/night in my memory. I can tell you what I was doing before the accident, and some of the details during. I remember really being disappointed that Mom wouldn't let me go to the hospital. Jacob and I spent our lives side-by-side and it felt a bit treasonous to not be with him when he was going through something traumatic. Or maybe I just wanted to see what a hospital was like- who knows. Mom said that during the drama, I was completely calm. I got towels and brought them to her, and that despite the blood and mess- I remained. The part of the story that is a little fuzzy and that I can only piece together from recounts of the story is when I saw Jacob with stitches. He looked scary to me. And I told him.
Yesterday was a crazy day at the Blackhurst house...which should read: A normal day at the Blackhurst house. The girls were busy finishing chores, practicing piano, doing home work, and snack. I made popcorn. It was a nice day out and Lucy wanted to go outside. At one time Sydnee shut the door on Lucy's big fingers- but it wasn't bad- it just hurt a bit and they went on their way. No ice, just an "OUCH" moment. I think that was God throwing the pebble before He threw the brick. Not long after, though, Ava and Lucy were going outside and Ava shut the back door. Slamming it, really, because it is hard to close. And {cringe}Lucy was holding on to the close- where the hinges are located. I think she was fast enough to get everything but the tip of her pinky finger out of the way. I'll skip the details here and tell you that I knew she needed medical help that I could not give her. I tended to her as best as I could, then 0loaded everyone immediately into the van. Grabbed the diaper bag and we headed to the pediatrician's. I had Ava call Todd, but she was so upset he couldn't understand her- so she handed the phone to me as we were backing out. I told him to call our doctor and tell them we were coming. He called back and said they can't see her, they were closing.
This is where the first story comes in. Ingrained in my brain, and I've said it out loud many times- I am good in an emergency. I am clear headed. I don't faint, I can run. I can take care of the wounded. Its inside me. I can do this. Yesterday was a little different, though. My plan of attack hadn't worked and I wasn't sure what to do then. I sent an SOS to my nurse friends- was I over-reacting? Todd and I decided to meet in the parking lot of the urgent care place. Luckily he arrived soon after I pulled up. Let me interject that my van is full of a bunch of calm little girls. Lucy is hurting, but not crying. She is collected. She knows this is an emergency, and somewhere written in her genetic make-up, she knows to stay calm, and she is. Todd looks at the finger and determines we need to go in. He wants it to be x-rayed. The voice of reason. Blessed, blessed man. Oh how grateful I am for him.
We went in with our game faces on. Todd filled out the paperwork. Ava and Sydnee cared for Camille. I held on to Lucy, her ice pack, and blood-stained towel. The staff was extremely kind and professional, and I am grateful. REALLY grateful. I was experiencing so many emotions but forcing them down so I could be focused on Lucy. They did x-rays and determined the tip was broken and that {warning: squeamish look away!}finger nail would have to come off. That's all I'm going to tell you because the rest is playing in my head like a broken record and I'll spare you the nightmares. If you really want to know the gory part- then text me. I took Lucy for the x-rays but Todd would need to do the rest. We learned when Ava got stitches and when Lucy was admitted into the hospital as a baby that I cannot handle seeing my girls in pain. So we switched. Have I mentioned Sydnee is my new favorite for not doing this to me? (Knocking on wood.)
In the waiting room Ava and Sydnee were angels. Just sitting there. Saying their silent prayers and watching the Disney channel. I held Camille and we walked around. Pacing the floors. I heard Lucy crying in the background, but only for a little bit. Todd said that she was incredibly brave and that she tried really hard not to cry. After what seemed like forever- they come walking in. Todd said that the cast is a bit of an over-kill but that the doctors know what a 3-year old is like and wanted to take precaution. Lucy calls her cast a "pillow" for her broken finger. Once we were all united, Lucy said she wanted to go to "Uncle Donald's" (McDonalds...somehow she has linked Scrooge Duck, uncle of the triplet cartoon ducks Hughie, Dewey, and Lewy to McDonalds. PS Todd and I loathe McDonalds. Insert sacrificing parent moment for the children whom have been through a lot). I like Todd take the big girls and I came home to put Camille to bed...and to have my cry.
This is what I learned:
- I should always have my diaper bag packed and ready for an emergency. Blessedly, I had snacks, baby food, a spoon, and even a bib! All things for the girls to feel comfortable in a messy situation. I also had my wallet, which had my insurance information. I need to remember the importance of being prepared, and I'm grateful that somehow this time, I was.
- I can still do emergencies, but I'm still not ready for the stitches. I haven't seen the finger since it has been bandaged. I will eventually, of course, and I'll be fine- but I will have to fight my emotions.
- I had an impression yesterday that I listened to- and I'm grateful. It was simple, really. The thought was- that I didn't need to work on the computer during Camille's nap time, that my time should be with Lucy. Now, I am a bit of a paranoid- so I worried about why I had that impression. :) BUT! After the trauma of last night, I'm grateful that we had little pleasant moments together before the chaos. I'm also grateful that I don't have to endure the guilt I would have felt if I ignored it.
- It's just a tiny tip of the finger, but its somehow attached to my heart. Lucy will have to see a hand specialist to make sure it heals properly. Its possible that the trauma will have damaged her growth plate and she might never grow a fingernail back. It's also possible that it will be damaged and grow back deformed. And of course, its possible that it will all be fine and dandy and a story to share at her wedding.
- Although my focus will be on Lucy, I will need to care for Ava as well. The wounds on Lucy's finger may heal perfectly within a couple of months, but if I'm not careful- Ava could carry this burden of guilt for a lifetime. I am hopeful that there is no permanent damage so that Ava does not have to have a constant reminder of an innocent mistake.
- Lastly, that I love my family. I would do anything for them. Hopefully, I won't need this reminder again any time soon.
xoxo,
Lindsey
